So yesterday marked the end of my old life and another beginning of a new life.  I have been talking a lot of new beginnings and changes but now it's been said by my lovely, wonderful surgeon.  I really couldn't imagine going anywhere else but to Mayo for all of this.  God really has been looking out for me and it took this last episode to actually open my eyes and see it.  With the end of this chapter in my life also begins a new year of my marriage.  On Labor Day it will mark 8 years.  It's been a wild ride and the last six months has been the scariest, invigorating, freeing and depressing time in my life.  I still get pretty emotional and I think it's even worse now that everything is finally done and I have just one more appointment with my OB there and I'm done with checkups for six months.  At the OB appointment we are going to decide how to best handle my cysts on my ovaries.  My surgeon made a point of telling me that they are clean and clear now. 

Our life has gotten a little bit more busy.  I joined a Women's group at church and so we had our first meeting a few days ago.  It is great group of women and it should be a great thing.  Tonight we have our first Neighborhood Group meeting.  I've never done anything like that before but I know that one of the girls from my women's group will be there.  Like I said it's a new chapter in my life and now things are starting to feel right.  I just hope that I'm still going to want to move when the time comes.  I have been talking to "The Hubby" about giving back to Mayo, whether it's by working there or by volunteering.  It really seems like a great place to be even though it was starting to get old being the patient.  Now that we're getting more involved in church and with "N" being in school it just seems right.  One of my oldest friends moved out here now and we've been really able to catch up and just let everything go.  If only we could get a family member or two to move here then I don't think I would move and I really would like to live here and become more involved in the community.

Yesterday afternoon my friend and I went out to coffee with the kids and it was a little stressful but it was a nice break from being at home.  I'm starting to not spend as much time at home, I have to work on being more confident in myself and I think to do that I have to make these positive changes in our lives.

"O" is now hooked on puzzles.  She can do 24 piece puzzles in under 10 minutes.  So now minus the one she broke in May, she has six cool puzzles.  I just bought her a few more on the way home from dropping "N" off at school and she's already done them.  I would start letting her use the 70 piece puzzles but I'm afraid she'd get too frustrated with it.  "N" is now getting into Legos, I guess we'll see considering we bought him Magnetix and now he doesn't even play with them anymore.  Plus with this move happening I don't want to keep buying stuff that will just sit in a box anyway.

I'm still trying to get used to how things are working now.  "N's" schedule, playing with the kids, trying to make individual time with each kid, time to hang out with "The Hubby" and all the fun things that life throws at you.  I really need to find the want to actually work.  I'm pretty much over the surgeries now and so now it's just trying to break out and doing something now.  I have to start making time to work on Kids Eat For and find stuff to review.  I don't use a whole lot anymore so now I find it difficult to do since that's really all I'm known for.  Well,  I guess I should get away from the computer since the kids are sleeping and I still have to clean the crappy kitchen, bathrooms and try and wait for 7pm so I can start doing laundry (really it'll be well after that since we have neighborhood group tonight).

It has been two weeks since my emergency surgery and I'm doing pretty good.  Some days are better than others and today is one of those "others".  I have started a new routine with "N" since Friday because he's been having a sort of allergy lately after school, so now after he gets home he washes his hands and face, grabs clean clothes and takes a shower before rest time.  While he's taking the shower I give "O" lunch then it's nap/rest time.  That means quiet mommy time.

I have been a little stressed out again and have slowly started slipping back into my old ways and with that, the pains have returned so now I know I have to calm down again and just relax.  I did get a head start for dinners this week.  After dropping "N" off at school "O" and I had to run the the store since I don't buy meat from Walmart and bought chicken for my chicken casserole.  That's now sitting in the fridge waiting to be devoured.  After dinner I'm going to be making homemade Skyline Chili.  It's a pretty cheap meal and between both meals that's about five to six days worth of food.  The beautiful thing about Skyline is that it goes great on hot dogs, spaghetti, baked potatoes, and just by itself.  Pretty versatile and yes I know it's 110°F but I don't care, I figured that if I make it than maybe the heat will end soon.

This past weekend was pretty busy.  Friday I wasn't doing so well because a little friend decided to show up earlier in the week and it has been very heavy and painful, plus to top it off I have also caught a sore throat.  So Friday I wake up just really not well, super tired etc. and so I get "N" ready for school and take him, "The Hubby" had to go to his office for all day meetings so it was just me and "O" for a few hours.  I figured that even if I don't do anything but laundry then it would be okay because it's better than nothing.  So we get back and I have already done two loads before I left and was finishing it up and I decided to be a "bad mom" and let "O" watch a little TV while she put her puzzles together.  We still have a few local stations including 3 PBS stations so I found a cartoon one.

After doing five loads of laundry I sat down in my chair and I passed out.  It was only for 20 minutes but it was enough to freak me out.  After gaining my composure I decided that I would take "O" to do Pizza Hut for the buffet on our way to grab "N".  I don't really want to ever do that again.  I really just wanted to go home and curl up and die because it really wasn't good.  So now it's lesson learned.  Anyway, I get to his school a little early and ask to speak to him so he knows that he can't go play that day because I don't feel well and he's over tired and not wanting to hear it, even though he played outside after I signed him out the other four days.  We finally work through it and we get to the car and I tell them how the rest of the afternoon is going to play out and it was nice because both were showered and because I was to lazy to change their sheets I figured that they could lay on my bed with me while I read them a little story, take a nap and just do whatever the rest of the day.  We ended up getting about and hour nap and we were up screwing around waiting for "The Hubby" to get home.

Found out that we were going out to dinner with a friend of his and so we agreed on Claim Jumper and I call to make a reservation and all of Deer Valley was shut down due to a main gas break.  That was crappy so we didn't know that it involved all of Deer Valley till we drove down there to get to Black Angus.  Now to Plan C, Desert Ridge Rock Bottom.  I have truly learned my lesson from both Friday and Saturday, the kids (if we're going out to eat) need to be fed my 6pm or it's stressful.  We made it through going out both nights but I swear I barely did.  I had no idea how much it really takes to go out like that because I swear my body was exhausted by 7pm and I was ready for bed both nights.

No more going out especially after Sunday.  We woke up at 7am or so for church and then went to a D-backs ball game afterward.  It was fun, it had been since the play-offs last year since I'd been to a game.  We played the Florida Marlins and come to find out that Misty-May Treanor was there to throw out the first pitch to her husband Matt Treanor (Catcher for the Marlins).  Then we saw Senator John McCain, a few boos were issued while he was being announced and no I was not one of them.  We were able to stay until the seventh inning stretch so I guess it was a good time.

So I need to motivate myself sometime this week to start training for my 5/10k runs.  I'm supposed to be in one on New Year's Eve, we'll see.  I was hoping to start today but I'm having a few little pains from the surgery still so I figured I wouldn't push it yet.  Maybe I'll start tomorrow.  Wednesday this week I do have my first post-surgical appointment.  I'm a little nervous because I'm so ready to be doing my old habits (running, yoga, weight lifting and boxing) but I know that I still have four weeks before I can do some and six months for the rest.  I am back down to my normal weight and jean size finally so that's a good thing but I have noticed more that my skin is a lot more irritated and very itchy.  I can't put any creams on until after my consult but it's still annoying just the same.

Yes there are positives out of all of this, I don't have to worry about having colon cancer, I won't die of colon cancer, I don't get sick nearly a I used to, I'm down to a good weight, I can go back to my normal diet and I'm healthier because of all of this.  After we move to Chicago in June I know that it will be easy for me in some ways and hard in one, leaving all of my awesome Mayo Clinic doctors.  I have had the greatest experience there and I wished I would have found them sooner.  I love the fact that all of my doctors are there, Primary Care for the family, my OB is there, my surgeons are there and the best part of all is that every doctor that I see can see everything that has been done and can update as needed.  No more signing forms to have records released to this person.  Easy peasy and very relaxing knowing that we are all in great, capable hands.  I know that there are great doctors in Chicago and if I really need to I could go to Mayo in Rochester, MN but I have also been referred to Northwestern University so we'll see as time progresses.  Don't worry, we are not going to stay here because of doctors, we will be moving.

Since Sunday, our family has been meshing very well together.  It was as if Sunday morning "N" woke up an just decided that he's going to be the best little boy ever.  He had a great day at church, "The Hubby" and I had a great service and "O" is just "O".  We are working with her on things and it's going to take a long time to get her where we'd like her.  "N" did start Kindergarten this past Monday and he hasn't had any problems at all in class.

His teacher is now learning how to coax him into showing her what he knows as well as trying to teach him new things as well.  Everything is a lot more calm around here as well.  I have a pretty awesome routine going with the kids now and it really seems to be working.  I wake up between 6:15-6:30 and take a shower, while I do that the kids can play in their rooms and get dressed until 7 am.  Depending on what time I take my shower tells me if I have time to read a little in the morning or not.  Whether I'm able to read or not then, it's still pretty calm.

At 7am the kids come down and put their dirty clothes in the pile for me and before I start breakfast, I start a load of laundry. I then start their breakfast, "N" gets All Bran, "O" gets organic apple oatmeal and I eat Honey Nut Cheerios (since I wasn't allowed to for the past three months).  After breakfast we get washed up and brush our teeth.  I fold the load of laundry while they play with puzzles or whatever, then they put their clothes away, I put sunscreen on "N" and we leave for school.

He only goes half days now so I have to hurry and try and get my work done before I have to leave at noon to grab him by 12:30pm plus give "O" lunch before we leave too.  We grab him and I let him play for a few minutes before we leave to either go home or run an errand.  Get home and they are to either take a nap or rest until 2-3pm depending on what time we get home.  I take a little 20 minute nap too just because I'm still exhausted from the surgery.  They wake up and they have the choice of either playing a game, do a puzzle or read to themselves or I read to them until 4 or 4:45, depending on what I make for dinner.  We then eat maybe go out for a little bit, come home and if I'm not too tired then we do showers, brush teeth and get ready for bed.

As you have read, there is no more television.  We have gone back to the old days and canceled cable so now there is no more TV.  Every couple of days we'll let "N" play the DS or the PSP for maybe a half hour.  I notice that when he does play video games like that he starts to get lazy and careless so then we have to limit it again for a few days.

After having all of these amazing complications, I am proud of who I have been able to become and change into.  I am a more positive person, I have been catching up on my reading and have finished The Shack last night.  I really think that whether you are religious or not you should read the book.  It actually made me cry a few times and it is a true story.  To me it has helped me open my mind and soul to a new life and beginning with not only God but also my family.  I have become a lot more calm with my family, it is a great feeling to start being at peace with yourself, family and God.  While I have been reading different books, our church has a new service for the next few weeks called "One Month To Live" and this past weeks service is about living with passion.  This will be going on for the the four weeks and I'm so looking forward to it.

Ever since this past weekend I have been a bit more emotional but in a very good way.  I just really like how much more calm I am and it's such a great feeling to have.  I'm also reading The Power of Being a Positive Mom which is also helping me.  When you look at your life and mine especially I have found that everything that we were doing were not right for our family.  We don't need to spend all of our time fighting and yelling because in the end you end up forgetting what the fight was about.  We are also trying to live a simpler/healthier lifestyle.  It's going to take me sometime to not be afraid of eating certain foods yet but we are on the right track.  Last night "The Hubby" made up and awesome chicken and couscous meal and it was so delicious that I wish we still had some for today.  Our house still smells like it and it's an awesome, healthy way.

We are starting to get a little more busy but not too busy that we can't still find quality time.  We are starting at a neighborhood church group tonight and then Saturday we are all going out with a friend of "The Hubby's" for sushi (YUM!), church Sunday and then I have coffee night with some women from church on Tuesday.  Right now we are lucky to where we don't have to be in such a hurry to get kids here and there and wonder who's going to make dinner and have the house cleaned.  We are taking everything day to day and just make up the time as we go and just try to stay positive and relaxed.  I do know that I am looking forward to everyday that I have with my kids and just pray that I'm making their lives better.  I sucked at that for the past few years but you can't live with guilt because then all it does is just take you to a bad place that you just can't get out of.

I don't want to be that person anymore with millions of regrets, instead I am going to live as if each day was my last.  I'm going to pour my heart and soul into everything I do with everyone.  I just hope that as you read my blog and hopefully can understand what a great feeling it is to just feel as though a huge weight has been lifted and you're able to breathe and enjoy your life and family.  The hardest thing that I still struggle with, which I think most people do too, is being judgmental.  You can't pass judgment on people and I know it's hard but when you do that, you are not any better than they are.  In fact if you're not careful you'll be going down a different bad path as well.

It's been sort of a tough week for me just because I'm trying to get my routine down now that "N" is in half day kindergarten and work.  Plus I have "O" with me and trying not to yell at her so now I have her working on 24 piece puzzles and I gave her a little desk that she can sit on the floor and color.  It's better than her watching tv or playing by herself because I'll take a few minutes here and there to play with her, then get back to work.  We are all still learning together and we will always be learning and growing.  Remember that living is a never ending process.  We can always improve and be better people.

I went in for my scheduled surgery on August 7th and things went very smoothly and I was released from the hospital that Saturday.  Nice change considering the first surgery I had to stay in for five days.  So I get home and things go to hell in a hand basket.  I can't go into specifics but on Monday I still wasn't feeling right and hadn't been really that whole weekend.  I hurt when I walked, the bloating in my stomach wasn't going down, I was nauseous and really didn't want to eat or drink.  Monday comes and things still hadn't changed so I call my surgeon and while waiting for a call back I was having dry heaves.  By the way, that's not fun a few days after having surgery.  I was told to get to the ER and we'll go from there.  While driving there I ended up throwing up in the car, luckily I had a plastic bag to do that in.  "The Hubby" and I get to Mayo Hospital ER and I was seen and in a room within 45 minutes.  The ER doctor pretty much tells me that he's calling my surgical team and tells the nurse to give me fluids and Zofran for the nausea.  He did it in a nice way and I am grateful that he did step out of my treatment.

One of the residents comes down and we start talking about how I feel and how I also feel as though I'm walking with a water balloon inside and then after consulting with my other surgeons it was agreed that I needed to do a CT Scan then be admitted.  I'm freaking out because I was just released 48 hours ago but then Jan was leaving on Tuesday and I had no one to help with the kids.  After I had to drink both of the nasty cups of dye I was taken to the CT room and that was painful with the injected dye and also trying to get on and off the beds.  After a little while the resident comes back in with one of my other surgeons and tells me that I'm being readmitted to the hospital and after I get upstairs another surgeon comes in a tells me that I need to have another surgery because they think that there is either an obstruction or the intestine is turned wrong and I will most likely wake up with another temporary ileostomy.

After hearing that I get all worked up and start crying like crazy because I just went through this and now I have to do it all again.  I instantly went into a depression and was worrying about the kids since Jan was to leave the next day and "The Hubby" had to go back to work.  "The Hubby" finally stepped in and helped me get it together and I was able to calm down.  The nice surgical nurses came up to help me get ready for surgery and I was joking with them so I could try and stay calm.  Luckily my actual surgeon was on his way from the Mayo Clinic to do my surgery and I was kidding with him as well.  I had the same anesthesiologist from the previous week and so we didn't have to get into much since nothing really changed.  Of course they gave me more Zofran and something else to help calm my nerves.  They take me away on the gurney into the operating room and all I remember is getting onto the table on my side and that was it.  I tried to look around to really see the room this time since I wasn't so scared and I don't remember anything.

I wake up in recovery and I asked them if I have another ileostomy and they said, "No, cysts ruptured on your ovaries and they had to call in OB surgeon to help with the procedure."  I asked her, "Because of all the cysts, do I have to have a hysterectomy?"  She laughed and said no.  I remember that I kept saying that I was cold and I guess I was soo cold that I ended up having a total of 10 blankets plus my head was even wrapped.  How funny is that?  "The Hubby" even took a picture of me like that and with a tube going from my nose to my stomach.  That was such a pain!  I had never had anything like that before in my life and I never want another tube in my nose again, after they took the tube out the next day all I could taste was vomit for the next few hours.

I think later that day I started walking but my doctor told me to take it very easy, a far cry from the other two surgeries.  I wasn't allowed to eat or drink anything until Wednesday night.  I think they finally let me eat because I finally took a shower.  Just kidding.  I was surprised to be given food while "The Hubby" and I played Gin and anyway it was just nasty broth.  How I really hate broth now.  Like I said they took it very slow this time with me, I think a little to slow but they know what they're doing right?  I had no exact date to leave but was told it could be after the weekend.  I was going stir crazy because there's not really a lot to do there, my room was very cold, I couldn't eat or drink and it just really wasn't helping me mentally.  I told them that I have to be out by Sunday night since "N" starts kindergarten on Monday.

Things progressed nicely, Jan left on Thursday morning and things got back to normal (without me) at home.  I spent the days by myself watching TV since I really didn't want to read.  I didn't really call anyone because I just really was to depressed to talk but then Thursday night came and my kids came to visit.  I went downstairs with them for dinner and OMG did it smell good for being fried.  We came back upstairs and hung out in my room for a few hours and they left to go grocery shopping and home.  I was also told that day by one of my surgeons that I could leave Friday.  As soon as I heard that I called "The Hubby" and told him that I could be out as early as lunchtime on Friday.  Yeah, my surgeon scared me because when I saw him later that day he said, "We'll see about getting you out this weekend."  He was sweet about it but then I nicely said, "I thought I was being discharged on Friday."  Without hesitation he says, "I don't see why not."  I was so relieved that I called "The Hubby" and told him.  I was released by dinnertime Friday night.

It has been a long, depressing and very stressful road to today.  Here I am Monday morning and I am now finally off pain killers, can wear my fat jeans with them buttoned, able to cough without hurting as much, able to lift my right leg without feeling bone crushing pain (because of the incisions and blood), and I'm able to walk almost normal.  You see, after going through three surgeries it's weird because the first one was very difficult since I had a lot to learn about eating and taking care of a stoma.  They are right, once you start getting used to it, it will be taken down.  The pain involved with the stoma, arterial monitor, and drain bulb that the second surgery was to almost like out patient surgery.  When I left the hospital after the second surgery I was able to start doing laundry that day and for the most part get back to normal except for the whole not wanting to eat or drink thing.  What took place at home after the second surgery was not a good thing but I have now moved past it and am now a better person and parent.  Of course after this last church service too it really helped me see so clearly.  Since the first few days at home after this last time in the hospital I was spending a lot of time in the bathroom I picked up this book call The Shack which is also a spiritual book that's very interesting. 

I am now going to be the best mom I can be since I messed up so badly the first five years of my kids lives.  All it took was the emergency surgery, a catastrophe at home, a book and a church service to see how we can all use improvement in life, spirituality, and marriage.